God I admit, I am afraid.
I am not sure if up until this point I have been pulling from a well of hope, insisting that my Aunt would get better or if I have just been pushing the whole situation to the side, trying not to think about it. But I feel the situation in my heart more than ever before. I can tell that lately something isn't right. I am feeling bad about myself, I am cynical, quick to anger and frustration, and very doubtful. I prayed today for God to refill me. To pour hope and faith back into my cup so that this flaw upon my character can be healed. I miss feeling close to God. I feel like there is something blocking my way. Like that song by Jimmy Needham says, "I need you like a hurricane." I need to regain my hope in the prayer for healing that I have prayed so many times.
I was reading another some writing about Biblical healing. One writer, after reminding us of Mark 6:36 - "Be not afraid, only believe" - said Jesus knew that miracles and healings happen on purpose not by chance. They happen when people believe God, act on his Word and refuse to doubt. It is amazing how often we attribute the happenings in our lives to our good decisions, to our parents, to doctors, to teachers, to friends, or even to fate or luck; but, we may often forget to attribute all these things - good and bad - to God and his infitnite ability and wisdom. If I beleive my Aunt to heal, she will be healed. But if I doubt it, if I think God too busy or too little than I will minimize his ability to heal her and the miracle may not happen. Remission doesn't happen by chance. It doesn't even happen with a load of drugs or a diet of asparagus. IT HAPPENS ON PURPOSE BY GOD!!!
I needed to say that. I needed to scream it through all caps across the internet. I needed to remind God and myself that I am believing my Aunt to be healed, just like those lepers believed Jesus could heal them. They were healed, as will be my Aunt. So I thank God this instance for his love, compassion, and fullfilled promises. Thank you Lord for healing Robin Johnson - work in her heart, take away her pain, and keeps us full of faith in your promises and word.
"But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." Isaiah 53.5
