The apostle Paul, I often forget, was once Saul, a Jewish Pharisee who was active in the persecution of followers of Jesus Christ. Acts 7:54-8:1 details the stoning of Stephen, after he gave a testimony of Jesus, and right there "giving approval to his death" is Saul. In Acts 9:1, it states, "Meanwhile, Saul was still breathing out murderous threats against the Lord's disciples. He went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues in Damascus, so that if he found any there who belonged to the Way, whether men or women, he might take them as prisoners to Jersulam." However it was in Damascus that Saul/Paul found Jesus and not prisoners. (Read all of chapter 9 in Acts).
Jesus called to Paul personally, as a light from heaven shown all around him. He asked why Paul persecuted him and Paul responded, addressing Jesus as Lord. However, Jesus didn't make the rest of Paul's journey easy. Paul was blind for three days before he was healed by an apostle. Then after, Paul was baptized and started preaching of Jesus. However, the road was still not easy. The Jews knew of Paul's past and did not always forgive him of it, forgetting to look beyond his past discretions to see the new Paul. Instead, at different times in Paul's journey, they conspired to kill him. Yet, Paul continued with his ministry, even when the disciples almost rejected him.
I think I can take away two things from this story of Paul. First, God's forgiveness is not limited. God does not choose the "perfect" to do his work, in fact he can't because as much as we try to reach perfection at times, it is unattainable, thus reaffirming our need for Jesus. Paul did some pretty blatant sins against Christ in the open - and yet Jesus forgave and called Paul to have a love for him far greater than the hatred he had before. Also, even after Paul gained a closer relationship with God and was doing God's work, his road wasn't easy. Sometimes, I think that if I am not finding something to be easy than it must be against God, because surely God's path should be the easiest, right? Well, according to Paul's story, apparently not. Challenges and the devil's temptations, threats, and doubts exist on God's path - that is why we need faith. If it was all peaches and cream - who would need faith? Furthermore, it is those trials and challenges that build our faith.
Joyce Meyer took Paul's story and pulled a lesson about guilt from it. She states that Paul "knew what it means to be both guilty and free of guilt." In Romans 8:1, Paul writes, "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."
Joyce Meyer continues:
"Human nature causes us to feel condemned when we make mistakes, and no one likes feelings of condemnation. Many people I know want to do everything right, but that isn't going to happen as long as we're in bodies of flesh. If we could be perfect in our behavior, we wouldn't need God and we would miss out on the enjoyment and blessings of a relationship with him. Jesus died for us because we could not be good enough on our own to enjoy a relationship with God who is completely holy.
Sometimes, because we feel guilty over our sins and mistakes, we struggle to enoy God or the lives He has given us. If we believe we have to suffer and feel terrible and go on a guilt trip every time we make a mistake, then our lives will be miserable. We must believe the truth of God's word more than we believe our emotions or our thoughts. It really is possible to know in the depths of our hearts that we are not guilty, even if we feel we are. At such times, we need to confess the truth of God's word instead of focusing on our feelings.
1 John 1:9
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrigheousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives."
I would rather sin and confess than call Jesus a liar! Meyer talks about Jesus paying our debt by saying:
"The truth is, either Jesus did a complete and thorough job when He paid for our sins at the cross and does not need our help, or He did not finish the work. I assure you, He finished the work; He was the final, the only, the complete sacrfice ever needed for our sin. No additional sacrifice will ever need to be made. We humans tend to divide our sins into categories. We determine how big or bad we think a certain sin is and then decide how long we should feel rotten about it in order to pay for it. We also feel we have no right to be blessed, succeed at anything, or enjoy ourselves until we satisfy this debt."
Meyers explains that is natural for us to care about our sin, instead of just saying "oh well, I am forgiven." But, she warns us against punishing ourselves for them. We can only, she points out, ask for forgiveness and God's strength to overcome the sin the next time. Just think if Paul had been overcome with guilt for his old life, he may never have had the strength and faith to give his message and testimony of Christ.
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